MY APOLOGIES: I tried hard to get an Impaktita movie poster but the internet cannot provide such delight. Instead, I inserted Pandoy. Why Pandoy?
For all the wrong reasons.
SNAP SHOT
Instant Messaging WHILE in the Workplace
Episode 15: IMPACT TITAH!
Uncensored. NOW SOMEWHAT Unscripted. And unsolicited. Just when you think nothing will come out when you engage a conversation inside the realm of cyberspace, TADAH! You can see what you typed in this page!
Cheap plug: My YM is stacey_the_evil_chipmunk (if you want your thoughts to be hacked).
| Last Snapshot: - I WAS TASKED TO REPORT ABOUT THE “LOVE TRIANGLE”
- HOWEVER WE ARE BRINGING GORE TO THE MIX BY ADDING EDSON
- THE LAST SNAPSHOT I PUBLISHED, JANIS PUNCHED MY SHOULDERS REPEATEDLY!
|
One day in the office…
blind monkey: Syd, may “contribution” akong bibigay sayo. Pwede ba yun? Si Janis ‘to!
The Sydman: Ows? Send it in pare! Ito ba ay isang hot iskup?
blind monkey: Tangna nandidiri ako sa ginawa ko…
The Sydman: Part of the job pare… part of the job.
If there is a constant in the last five years of wasting away our Saturday nights playing Dota, it’s the fact that we firsthand experience the happy and sad moments (we call the sad moments “funny”) of the Froi-Janis love story. However these last two years, the story has turned into a love triangle with Lanchao (yes you heard it, we actually have a friend named after a Chinese expletive). This turned into a furious display of action, suspense, and melodramatic crap which eventually bogged down.
That’s why we thought of bringing a new boylet for our lady character… Edson.
We doubt if this will happen since Janis and Lanchao are together but by putting Edson in the mix, the story will become disgustingly funny… because it’s better this way.
Anyway…
The Sydman: Alam mo tutal naman nandito ka na, kamusta ka na pala ngayon? Happy ka na ba?
Janis Selphie: At baket naman ganyan ang Q & A portion mo?
The Sydman: (thinking) Ahh... dahil idol ko si Paolo Bediones?
Janis Selphie: Syd… tsk tsk… kelan mo lang nalaman? Matagal na yan kaya wa epek na yan.
The Sydman: Uhurm. O sige, bakit naiilang ka kay Edson?
Janis Selphie: Pota! Bat ako mai-ilang sa gagong yun?
The Sydman: Bakit? Hindi mo pinapansin si Froi tapos pag katabi mo si Edson namumula ka?
Janis Selphie: Ulol!
The Sydman: ‘Pag nag-away yung dalawa, dahil sayo, nakakatawa.
Janis Selphie: Gago ka ba? Mag-kape ka nga nang kabahan ka sa pinagsasabi mo!
The Sydman: Well… oo, pero aminin mo, gwapo ngayon si Edson!
Part of my lunch climbed to my throat. I had to swallow it so I wouldn’t make a scene…
Janis Selphie: Hahahahahaha! Si Edson gwapo?!! Hahahahahahaha!!! Kung naga-gwapuhan ka sa sako pwede!
The Sydman: Maraming gwapong sako sa mundo... pero isipin mo na lang ha, mahilig ka sa Tsinoy... pwes, tsinoy 'to. Hindi kulay tae ang trip mo... pwes, ganon si Edson…
Janis Selphie: Eeewww! Syd ano bang gusto mong palabasin? ABER?!!
The Sydman: Medyo mababa na ang ratings ng love triangle niyo kaya kailangan ka nang mag-shift sa comedy. Parang si Angel Locsin, nag-shift!
(thinks) Teka, kinumpare ko ba si Angel Locsin sayo?
(shouts) NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Janis Selphie: Ulol! Sa panaginip mo! Wala naman kasing may pakialam kay Edson kaya tigilan nyo na!
KAHIT BANGUNGOT!!!!!
The Sydman: Pero bagay kayo!!!!
I asked several credible people (actually one waste of sperm) to comment on the perceived Janis-Edson love team. Here are his thoughts…
Hyubs: Is that a trick question?
The Sydman: Nope. Answer it!
Hyubs: In what angle?
The Sydman: Do you need to have an angle??? Answer it now!
Hyubs: Wait... I’m thinking of compatibility...
Well, the person I asked was a moron. Anyway, back to the conversation.
Janis Selphie: Tsismoso ka kasi!
Ha! Kung tsismoso ako meron sana akong blog kung saan lahat ng chat ko ginagawa kong script tapos… oh shet.
The Sydman: Huli ko na nalaman yung breakup ulit a. Hanggang kelan pala kayo hindi magpa-pansinan? Para naman makapag-dota ka na!
Janis Selphie: Hanggang magka-asawa ka na!
Funny she mentioned that…
The Sydman: Ganon ka-grabe??? ANONG GINAWA MO NA NAMAN!!!!
Janis Selphie: Gagu! Para malaman na ng lahat, wala akong ginawa. SIYA nakipag-break ng walang valid reason!!
I am so Startalk-y right now…
The Sydman: Third party: sayo o sa kanya?
Janis Selphie: Ayaw nga daw nya ng commitment ‘di ba?
The Sydman: ASA! May ginawa kang katarantaduhan!
Janis Selphie: Gusto niya kung paano kami nung college ganun na lang kami hanggang mamatay!
The Sydman: Ayaw mo non?
Janis Selphie: Oo nga! Anu ka ba?!?
The Sydman: E bakit kayo hindi nagpa-pansinan??? Ikaw ba may idea non kasi kung sayo pwedeng valid pero kung galing sa kanya...
Janis Selphie: Nung kaka-break lang namen, tumatabi siya saken pero ‘di nakikipag-usap.
Malamang nang-aamoy…
Janis Selphie: Sinubukan kong tawagan kaso mukhang walang interes pagusapan ang issue. Yang dedmahan sa computer shop, ayoko lang talaga kausapin yun!
The Sydman: So ikaw sa simula, tapos ngayon mutual na ang dedmahan! TARAY!
Tama si Blind… this is so… disgusting. Meanwhile, I gave Janis Jorge’s YM and they also started chatting.
Excerpts from Janis and Jorge’s chat:
Janis Selphie: Si Jorge ay isang magiting na mandirigma!!
Jorge Cosgayon: Nyahaha! So mamili ka sa amin ni Edson!
Janis Selphie: Sus naman Jorge, ipagpapalit ba kita kay Edson?!
Jorge Cosgayon: Aba’y dapat hindeh! Kung hinde dadanak dugoh!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! I PUKED IN MY MOUTH AGAIN!
Why am I laughing? I have no idea!!!
Anyway, back to my conversation…
The Sydman: Ngayong wala ng paki si Froi, si Edson!!!!! Bagay kayo ni Edson!!!! Seryoso, nabasa ko ‘to sa mga barahang tarota!
Janis Selphie: Kelan ka pa natutong magbasa non aber?
The Sydman: So ano to, kayo na naman ‘di ba ni Lanchao di ba?
Janis Selphie: Pano mo naman nalaman na kami na ulit?
The Sydman: Ewan… err… dahil turn na niya? ‘Di ba either Froi o Lanchao lang?
Janis Selphie: Anu ba yun?!?!
The Sydman: Medyo alam na namin e. Napaka-normal na. Kaya nga dapat natin isali si Edson... dahil si EDSON…
(dramatic pause) ANG CRUSH NG BAYAN!
Janis Selphie: HAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Another YM from Jorge pops up.
jorgecosgayon: (shocked) BASAHIN MO ‘TO!!!
More excerpts from Janis and Jorge’s chat:
Janis Selphie: Sige, pwede na si Edson.
Jorge Cosgayon: *printscreen*
Janis Selphie: Hahahahahaahahahah!!!!
Jorge Cosgayon: Sabi ko na nga e!
May gusto ka kay Edson!
(laughing) Bwahaha!!
(suddenly disgusted) Ewww…
(laughing again) Pero bwahaha pa din!!
Janis Selphie: (disgusted) Eeeewwww…
After reading this.
The Sydman: (disgusted) Ewwwww...
jorgecosgayon: ‘Di ba alam ni Bajie na dumidiskarte si Edson kay Janis?
The Sydman: Sinasabi ko pero ayaw maniwala. In denial ‘ata…
Luckily Bajie was online.
Bajie: (melancholic with senti music playing in the background) Balita ko ‘di na sila ni Froi. Kelan pa? Wala na bang chance na silang magkabalikan? Bakit naman kayo naghiwalay? Sayang naman… nabigla ako sa balita…
(dramatic pause) … AS IN.
The Sydman: Teka ano?? Manhid na si Janis sa mga Froi banat kaya kay Edson ko na siya binabala! Pero ayaw talaga e… pumipiglas!
For you people who don’t know Bajie, he was actually the person responsible for what is Edson today. Nakita niya sa gilid ng South Super… nakahilata sa signboard ng Mamplasan… binihisan… inaruga… the works pare.
Bajie: (mad) You fuck! You self-centric fairy! You egomaniac! You cunt! DUDE… Janis – Edson!?!?! I'm not even gonna say anything! Ikaw naman talaga may gusto doon eh!
Damn you Bajie. So in closing, here are a few words from Bajie and Jorge regarding the subject matter.
Bajie: (rolls eyes) Why bother dude… why bother…
jorgecosgayon: KAY edson na sIyAAAAAAAA!!!
TO BE CONTINUED.
