The Sydman’s TIME SPELL
PART 1
By Sydrick Salazar
EXT. EXCAVATION SITE – ALEXANDRIA, EGYPT – 1822. ALMOST DAWN
THE SUPER “1822” WILL APPEAR MOMENTARILY.
SCENE STARTS. WE SEE A CAMP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DESERT. THERE ARE A LOT OF WORKERS DIGGING. THE SUN IS ABOUT TO SET.
ON DIGGER:
WE SEE ONE OF THE DIGGERS SPORTING A GRIN IN HIS FACE.
INT. ON CHAMPOLLION’S TENT.
HE FIND JEAN FRANCOIS CHAMPOLLION, WRITING. THEN HIS LACKEY, VALLE ENTERS THE TENT. THE EXCAVATORS SPORT A THICK FRENCH ACCENT.
VALLE:
Monsieur Champollion, come quickly!
CHAMP:
What is it, workman?
VALLE:
We found something remarkable! You have to see it!
CHAMP:
Are you sure this find will delight me?
VALLE:
Of course M’sieu, would I ever do such a thing?
EXT. ON EXCAVATION SITE. HAPON.
THEY WENT TO THE SITE. THEY SAW A RECTANGULAR FRAME LAYING IN THE SAND.
VALLE:
So, what do you think, Monsieur?
CHAMP:
I see you have taste. Although it is just a simple doorjamb built for some mastabas or of some sort. It could point to the unique and masterful ancient architecture of Egypt. Although, it has simply no historical influence or relevance what’s-so-ever. I think this can be sold in Paris in a very good price.
VALLE:
I think so too, M’sieu. Certainly, it wouldn’t amount to anything greater to the Rosetta stone we got here.
CHAMP:
We should take this to the other intellectuals here. They’ll figure out what to do. Valle, get that frame and take it to Cairo!
VALLE ORDERS TWO MEN TO CARRY THE DOORJAMB. AS THE TWO APPROACH, ONE OF THE WORKERS FELL TO THE DOORJAMB. THEN A BLINDING LIGHT APPEARED. WHEN THE LIGHT VANISHED THEY SAW THAT THE MAN THAT FELL TO THE FRAME HAS VANISHED ALSO.
DIGGER 1:
The gods are punishing us!
CHAMP:
Silly man, the gods are not punishing us!
(To Valle)
Gather the workers, I want this thing investigated immediately!
VALLE ORDERS TO MEN TO FOLLOW HIM AS HE LEAVES. CHAMPOLLION CURIOUSLY WANDERS NEAR THE DOORJAMB.
CHAMP:
What is this thing anyway?
CUT TO:
EXT. WAREHOUSE. NIGHT.
TWO AMERICAN WORKERS CARRY A RECTANGULAR BOX.
WHITE GUY 1:
Boy, this thing’s heavy. Where will we put this?
WHITE GUY 2:
Shove it deep. I’m starving. Afterwards, we’ll find some place to eat.
THE AMERICANS PLACED THE BOX IN A SPOT. THERE IS A CAPTION IN THE BOX. IT READS “Caja de Puerta de Dimension”. WE WILL ALSO FIND THE PHILIPPINE FLAG DRAWN UP IN THE BOX.
EXT. SCHOOL. DAY.
Establishing shot OF ST. IGNATIUS HIGH SCHOOL.
INT. CLASSROOM. DAY.
NO CLASSROOM WITHOUT A TEACHER MEANS ANARCHY! WE FIND DERRICK, GABE AND JACKY TALKING AT THE BACK OF THE CLASS. WE ALSO SEE CAITLIN, DAN (DENISE FULL NAME) AND MAY TALKING. SUDDENLY, BOOGIE TURITA ANGRILY ENTERS.
BOOGIE:
HOY ANG IINGAY NIYO!! WALA BA KAYONG TITSER?
THE CLASS SUDDENLY BECOMES QUIET AND NON-CHAOTIC.
BOOGIE:
May pinadala na memo sakin ang coordinator natin. Magkakaroon daw kayo ng field trip.
THE CLASS BREAKS OUT A NOISE OF GLEE.
BOOGIE:
QUIET! Ano ba, parang ngayon lang kayo nakarinig ng may field trip kayo a.
GIRL STUDENT 1:
E sir, saan naman po kami pupunta?
BOY STUDENT 1:
Oo nga… baka Manila Zoo na naman yan e!
BOOGIE:
Mga ulol, hindi na kayo grade school! Pwede na nga kayong magbuntisan e! Alam niyo yung Laguna?
GIRL STUDENT 1:
Sa Enchanted Kingdom! Doon tayo pupunta?!
ANOTHER LOUD NOISE BREAKS OUT.
BOOGIE:
Alam niyo yung World Exhibit? Doon kayo pupunta.
SILENCE.
BOOGIE:
O, bat natigilan kayo. Maganda nga yon, aalis kayo ng may kabuluhan.
JACKY:
Hindi ba puwedeng sa Enchanted na lang?
BOOGIE:
Hindi ba puwedeng wag ka na lang magsalita! O, yun lang yung pinasabi sakin. Kung gusto niyong sumama, maghanda na kayo ng, ano yon, 1500 pesos bukas.
BOY STUDENT 2:
Mahal! Kikil!
BOOGIE:
Ulol! E di wag kang sumama! Thursday ngayon. Next Friday ang alis. By Wednesday dapat lahat bayad na kundi hindi kayo makakasama… Naintindihan niyo yon?
BOOGIE HURRIEDLY LEAVES THE ROOM. MURMURS FROM THE CLASS RETURN AFTERWARDS.
JACKY:
Anong klaseng field trip to?!
GABE:
Malamang papagawa pa tayo nito ng essay!
WHILE JACKY AND GABE TALK, DERRICK IS STARING AT CAITLIN.
INT. CAITLIN’S ROOM. NIGHT. / INT. DERRICK’S LIVING ROOM
THE CLOCK IS ALMOST EIGHT. CAITLIN JUST GOT OUT OF THE SHOWER AND IS DRYING HER HAIR. THEN THE PHONE RINGS AND SHE STARTS A TELEPHONE CONVERSATION.
DERRICK:
Hi Caitlin!
CAITLIN:
Sabi ko na nga ba ikaw na naman…
DERRICK:.
Alam mo, napag-isipan ko na ang mga dahilan na sinasabi mo sa akin tulad ng lesbiana ka, bakla ka, bawal sa relihiyon mo ang mga demonyitong katulad ko, komunista ka …
CAITLIN:
(interrupts)
Magmamadre pa pala ako…
DERRICK:
O yun pa. Bottom line kalokohan lang naman mga sinasabi mo e.
CAITLIN:
Anong sabi mo?
DERRICK:
Aminin mo na rin kasi na crush mo rin ako!
CAITLIN:
Ang kapal mo rin, no? Kailangan munang mamatay lahat ng tao sa mundo bago kita sagutin!
DERRICK:
Pumayag ka na kasi eh… papayag din naman, papatagalin pa! Sinasayang mo lang oras natin e!
CAITLIN:
Ilang beses ko bang sasabihin sayo na hindi pwede! Hindi ka na ba talagang pwedeng bumalik sa pagiging normal best friend ko? Wala akong oras para dito. O sige na, gagawa pa ako ng assignment… bye.
CAITLIN HANGS UP. DERRICK IS PISSED.
EXT. EXHIBIT CENTER. DAY.
OUTSIDE WE SEE A LOT OF STUDENTS LINED UP. WE SEE CAITLIN, DAN, AND MAY TALKING.
INT. TOUR BUS. DAY.
DERRICK AND JACKY ARE STILL ON THE BUS TAKING THEIR THINGS.
DERRICK:
Kahit saan sila magpunta, nandon lang tayo.
JACKY:
Kahit sa kumukulong lahar?
DERRICK:
LALO na. Basta pag nakakita tayo ng opportunity, patulan na agad!
JACKY:
Okay! So pano setup?
DERRICK:
Akin si Caitlin, sayo si Dan at kay Convicto si May!
JACKY:
Ha, bat ako kay Dan?
DERRICK:
Maganda naman si Dan a?
JACKY:
Pero mas cute si May!
DERRICK:
O sige, sayo na si May!
SUDDENLY GABE APPEARS AND SWINGS A MILD SLAP IN THE HEAD TO THE TWO.
GABE:
Baba na kayo. Naghe-head count na si Turita.
JACKY:
Feeling ko good shot ako kay May e!
GABE:
Plano kayo ng plano e wala namang mangyayari sa inyo. Last year ganito din e. Ano nangyari?
DERRICK:
Ano ka ba Gabs, where’s your spirit? Confident ako na may mangyayaring maganda sa trip na to, something special— tingin mo Jacky?
JACKY:
Oo naman.
DERRICK AND JACKY HIGH-FIVES.
EXT. EXHIBIT CENTER. DAY.
BOOGIE IS CURRENTLY SHOUTING ON THE STUDENTS.
BOOGIE:
(SHOUTING)
HOY MGA ANIMAL SA TINGIN NIYO BA NASA LOOB KAYO NG KARNABAL?
BOOGIE THEN GETS A MEGAPHONE. THE KIDS COVER THEIR EARS DUE TO THE SHEER VOLUME OF BOOGIE’S SHOUTING.
BOOGIE:
Hoy, papapasukin na tayo dito! Dala niyo ang pangalan ng ESKWELAHAN kaya ayusin niyo ang UGALI niyo at walang kukuha ng mga gamit SA LOOB! WALANG KLEPTO! CLARO!?!
THE DOOR OPENS. THE FIRST THING WE SEE IS A HUGE DINOSAUR SKELETON REPLICA. ALL AWE AT THE STRUCTURE.
BOOGIE:
Hoy pumila kayo ng maayos tapos magpatatak na kayo dito!
AS THEY LINE UP, A HAND SUDDENLY SLAPS GABE’S HEAD. IT IS CON.
CON:
(whispering)
‘Namo.
DERRICK:
O, saan ka galing?
CON:
Uminom ng tubig.
(tinitingnan si Boogie)
‘Tong kupal na to akala mo anlaki ang puwesto sa school e pipitsuging titser lang naman!
(haharap kay GABE)
At ikaw, hindi magiging hadlang ang maasim mong kilikili sa plano ko na maka-iskor ng mga chicks!
GABE:
Ikaw makakakuha ng chick?!
DERRICK:
Con, lasing ka ba?
JACKY:
Yan yata yung laman ng Coleman niya e…
CON:
Gin Pomelo. Pampakapal ng mukha. Tara hanap tayo chicks!
THE FOUR ENTER THE MUSEUM.
INT. EXHIBIT CENTER. DAY.
WHILE BEING IN THE TOUR, GABE IS CONSTANTLY BUGGED BY CON.
GABE:
Hoy, wag ka ngang makulit!
CON:
Hoy baho, ilang beses ko bang sasabihin sayo na hindi pabango ang Tiger Balm?!?
WHILE CON AND GABE ARGUE DERRICK SUDDENLY CATCHES CAITLIN LOOKING AT HER.
NASA LOOB NA SILA NG EXHIBIT CENTER.
THE GUIDE IS CURRENTLY SHOWING A REPLICA OF THE EIFFEL TOWER.
GUIDE:
And this here is a replica of France’s greatest landmark, the Eiffel Tower.
GABE IS LOOKING AT THE REPLICA WHILE CON IS SNOOPING ON SOMEONE’S ASS.
ON THE OTHER SIDE.
DERRICK AND JACKY ARE CURRENTLY PLAYING WITH THEIR DECKS (MAGIC CARDS).
DERRICK:
Poke kita.
JACKY:
Unsummon.
DERRICK:
Fireball for 6.
JACKY:
Counterspell.
DERRICK:
Wala namang mananalo sa Circle of Protection/Counter deck e!
JACKY:
Kaya yan! Try mo. Teka, kelan ba matatapos yan?
BY THIS TIME WE SEE CON TRYING TO CARESS SOMEONE’S ASS.
DERRICK:
I assure you! Hindi ako lalabas ng museong to na hindi ko girlfriend si Caitlin. Kailangan ko lang talaga ng isang perfect moment! Alam mo yon?
JACKY:
Alam mo namang game ako dyan e! Katunayan nga, feeling ko kaya hindi tayo nakakaloko dahil may daladala tayong latak…
Nakita mo yon?
DERRICK AND JACKY STANDS UP AND CALLS THE OTHER TWO TO FOLLOW THE GIRLS.
AFTER 30 MINUTES… NAGLILIBOT-LIBOT SILA.
DERRICK AND THE BOYS ARE QUIETLY SNOOPING AT THE GIRLS AS THEY WALK.
CON:
(whisper)
Saan ba papunta tong chick mo?
DERRICK:
(whisper)
Relax, patience is the key…
CON:
(whisper)
Puta tigang nako!
ON THE GIRLS.
DAN:
Magtanong ka na kasi sa mga guards.
CAITLIN:
Okay na to. Mahahanap na naman natin e…
MAY:
Pero ihing-ihi na kami!
CAITLIN:
Pansin niyo ba yung naka-buntot sa atin? Promise pag hindi pa ‘to yung banyo magtatanong na tayo.
BACK ON THE BOYS.
JACKY:
(whisper)
Hindi nila tayo nahahalata. Astig!
CON:
(whisper)
Teka, akala ko ba yung mga Boobas sa kabilang section ang lalansingin natin?
JACKY:
(whisper)
College na mga boyfriends non!
CON:
(whisper)
Puta! Magka-college na rin naman tayo a!
GABE:
Hoy, kumaliwa sila.
THEY FOLLOWED THE GIRLS WHICH WENT TO A ROOM.
INT. MYSTIC AND ENCHANT SECTION OF THE TRIP, DAY.
CON:
O sige na nga! Okay na tong si Dan. Basta kahit sino na lang basta may …
Whoa…
THE ROOM LOOKS LIKE AN EGYPTIAN PYRAMID CORRIDOR WITH ALL THE SYMBOLS AND THE ARTIFACTS.
DAN:
Err… Caitlin hindi to CR…
CAITLIN:
Alam ko…
MAY:
Bodega na yata to e.
THE GUYS AND GIRLS LOOK AROUND.
GABE:
Daming artifacts… at ang mga amulets, daggers, skulls…
CON:
Amulets?!?
CON STEALS AN AMULET THEN HIDES IT IN HIS POCKET.
JACKY:
Psst punta kayo dito!
JACKY LEADS THEM TO A DECAYING MAN WITH HIS MUMMY WRAP DIMINISHING FROM ITS HEAD.
CON:
Whoa check out the mummy! It smells far better than you!
JACKY:
Grabe, naligo naman si GABE kahapon…
CON:
Jacky, wisiks do not count as ligos!
GABE WALKS OUT. UNBEKNOWNST TO THEM THERE IS A WATCHFUL EYE LURKING IN THE ROOM’S DARK AREAS.
ON DERRICK:
DERRICK IS NOW BUGGING CAITLIN. GABE GOES NEAR DERRICK AND THE GIRLS, CURRENTLY NOTICING THE BIG PICTURE FRAME-LIKE STRUCTURE.
GABE:
Hi, anong tinitingnan niyo?
Whoa.
CAITLIN:
Sinusundan niyo ba kami? Wag niyong sasabihin na may gagawin na naman ‘to?
DERRICK:
I’ll never stop until I make you tap!
CAITLIN:
Whatever. Anyway, nakalagay dito ito’y isang Doorjamb of Dimension.
CON:
Ano ang doorjamb?
BY THIS TIME, CON AND JACKY HAVE MET UP WITH THE GROUP.
CAITLIN:
… Discovered by J.F. Champollion in Alexandria, Egypt in 1822. According to old Egyptians, this artifact possesses supernatural powers that enable a person to go ahead in time as he passes through.
DERRICK:
Biiiiig picture frame…
JACKY:
Ang baho din ng amoy… but then again…
THEY ALL LOOK AT GABE.
GABE:
Ulol!
DAN:
Cool sana yon no, pumunta ka sa future…
GABE:
Hindi ko alam sa time travel pero design-wise maangas siya.
CON:
Takpan niyo ilong niyo at magsesermon na naman yan ng hindi nagto-toothbrush…
GABE:
Shut up. Wag kayong maniwala sa supot na yan.
CON:
(to Gabe)
Bat mo alam?
(to all)
Ito yun e, hindi siya libingan, hindi siya weapon, ni hindi nga siya pyramid e! Anong maganda sa malaking picture frame na ‘to?
GABE:
Hindi lahat ng galing Egypt eh kailangan na may pyramid na kasama…
CON:
Nadadala ka daw nito sa ibang panahon? KA-LO-KO-HAN!
MAY:
Ano ka ba Con. Sa salita lang nila yan. Remember, mga pagans ang mga Ehipto dati… Kahit na ano tungkol sa nature, sinasamba nila… Di ba sinasamba nila ang River Nile?
JACKY:
May kilala akong hindi sumasamba sa tubig…
GABE:
ULOL! Kung totoo to, napaka-iresponsable naman ng mga curators na to na ipapakita pa nila ito sa mga tao.
CON:
Basta para sa akin japeks to!
CON:
Kaya lang siya nasa tagong lugar, at hindi dun sa main gallery ay sa kadahilanang corny siya! Siya yung first joke ng ancient world na hindi bumenta o kaya dapat talaga pyramid siya kaso HINDI! Maniwala kayo sakin kalokohan to! Isang hindi bumentang gimik! At para maback-up ko ang point ko, magbibigay ako ng 1000 pesos kung pumasok diyan si Derrick at bigla siyang kainin nito!
CAITLIN:
Okay, mayaman naman ako e. Sige call!
DAN:
Babakas ako kay Caitlin.
CON:
(talking to himself)
Hehehe mga tanga-tanga. Ayos, pera na naman to.
(raises voice)
Derrick, pasok na.
DERRICK THEN STARES AT CON AND DRAGS HIM TO A SPOT.
DERRICK:
Gago ka ba?
CON:
Ano natatakot ka? Bading ka, that’s what you’re saying?
DERRICK:
Ikaw na lang kaya?
CON:
Wag mong sabihin na naniniwala ka dyan?
DERRICK:
E bat kasi ako. Pwede naman si Jacky dahil napakatanga niyan. O kaya si GABE para luminis na ang hangin sa mundo… Ikaw na lang kaya!
CON:
Sino ba nagpapasikat? Atsaka baka totoo e.
DERRICK:
(pissed, eyebrows twitching)
Natakot ka sa kapakanan mo?
CON:
Tol, you can be the first known time traveler. Ngayon na ang tamang panahon para ipakita kay Caitlin kung gaano katapang ka!
DERRICK:
AYOKO GAGO!
CON:
At malay mo pag nakabalik ka, ibibenta natin ang rights ng storya mo sa mga producers. IHO, kikita ka! Sinong gusto mong gumanap sa role mo— kahit sino pwede! Si Bojo Molina? Cool!
DERRICK:
Gusto mong sapakin kita?
CON:
Dingdong Dantes?
DERRICK:
Richard Guttierez.
CON:
Call!
DERRICK REMOVES THE GUARD RAILS OUT OF THE DOORJAMB.
CAITLIN:
Derrick, nagpa-uto ka talaga kay Con?
DERRICK:
Ipapakita ko lang sa inyo na hindi totoo ‘to.
DERRICK LOOKS UP AND PRAYS. EVERYONE WAS AT THEIR FEET. THEN HE RUNS FULL SPEED TO THE DOORJAMB. THEN HE LANDS ON THE OTHER SIDE. DERRICK IS SHAKING WHILE THE OTHERS EITHER SIGH OR IS SILENT.
CON:
Panalo ako! Panalo ako! Sabi ko sa inyo joke lang ito e! Okay, bayad talo…
CAITLIN GOES NEAR CON WHILE FURIOUSLY LOOKING AT DERRICK.
CAITLIN:
Orayt. Galing. Na prove niyo point niyo. Kayo ay henyo.
(to Derrick)
Pero what if hinigop ka talaga nyan?
CON:
Tama na ang satsat. Labas na pera!
JACKY:
Teka Caitlin, concern ka ba? Ibig sabihin…
ALL OF A SUDDEN A BLINDING LIGHT APPEARS FROM THE DOORJAMB AND A HAND-LIKE LIGHT LITERALLY PLUCKS DERRICK AND GRABS HIM TO THE DOORJAMB. THE LIGHT DISAPPEARS MOMENTARILY AND DERRICK VANISHED AS WELL.
ALL WERE SILENT.
TO BE CONTINUED.
03-04-07
