The Sydman’s TIME SPELL
PART 4
By Sydrick Salazar
INT/EXT. HOTEL – RESTAURANT, 2006. NIGHT.
LYNN TAKES DERRICK TO A POSH HOTEL TO EAT DINNER. LYNN IS EATING REFINED WHILE DERRICK THINKS, HIS MIND IS BLANK. LITTLE DOES HE KNOW THAT HE IS STARING DIRECTLY ON LYNN’S BREASTS. LYNN NOTICES IT.
LYNN:
(smiling)
So, busog ka na?
DERRICK REALIZES THIS AND PANICS.
DERRICK:
(talking quickly, unsure of what he’s trying to say)
Nyah!
(speechless)
Err, it’s not what you think! Nag-iisip ako pero hindi dahil diyan.
(stops, thinks)
Hindi ko sinasabi na wala silang kwenta pero hindi ko lang siya ini-intindi!
(stops, thinks)
Pero dapat intindihin siya ng tao! Ang katawan mo is sobrang pamatay na kailangan makita siya ng mga tao…
(stops, thinks)
… in a non-pornographical way.
DERRICK LOOKS EMBARASSED. LYNN TURNS FROM SERIOUS TO SMILING.
LYNN:
Sasabihin ko lang sana na you’re not touching your food.
DERRICK:
(startled)
Ano?
(mellows down)
Oh…
DERRICK EATS THE FOOD. A WAITER COMES TO THEIR TABLE AND GIVES THEM A PITCHER OF MARGERITA.
LYNN:
Two years ago, kasama ko Daddy ko sa Times Square nang biglang may mga tao na lumapit sakin at tinanong ako kung marunong daw ba akong umarte. May play daw sila at naghahanap sila ng isang Asian girl.
WHILE LYNN WAS BUSY TALKING, HE WHISPERED SOMETHING TO THE WAITER’S EAR AND THE WAITER SMILES AND LEAVES. BY THIS TIME, DERRICK HAS BEEN DRINKING THE CONCOCTION LIKE JUICE.
LYNN:
Binigyan nila ako ng number and I went to their audition. Pero hindi ko alam na isa siyang malaking stage play. Pero pinili nila ako and mayaman na ako simula non. Yun nga lang, hindi ako kilala dito kasi hindi naman kilala ang mga stage actors dito e. Anyway, kaya lang ako nandito para magbakasyon.
LYNN STOPS AND SEES DERRICK’S PLATE BASICALLY UNTOUCHED.
LYNN:
Pangit ba lasa ng ulam mo? Bakit ayaw mong kainin…
LYNN LOOKS AT DERRICK NOW SLOUCHING WITH HIS HEAD LAID BACK TO THE CHAIR WHILE FINISHING THE PITCHER OF MARGERITA.
INT. HOTEL – LYNN’S ROOM, 2006. NIGHT.
WITH THE HELP OF A BELLBOY, DERRICK WAS DRAGGED TO LYNN’S ROOM. DERRICK WAS LOUDLY MUMBLING AND IT WAKES UP MOST OF THE ROOM’S IN THE CORRIDOR.
LYNN:
(to Bellboy)
Thanks. I’ll take it from here.
DERRICK PLUNGES TO THE BED FACE FIRST. THEN LYNN TAKES HIS WALLET AND SEES HIS I.D.
LYNN:
(smiles)
This is soooo weird.
DERRICK:
(trying to stand up, alarmed and wasted)
Hoy! Anong ginagawa mo sa wallet ko!?!
DERRICK THEN GRABS LYNN’S HAND AND PULLS HER TO THE BED.
LYNN:
Psst! Hoy! Time first!
A SERIES OF STRUGGLE AND LYNN FINDS DERRICK ON TOP OF HER.
THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER.
FADE TO BLACK.
SHOW GRAPIX ON BLACK BACKGROUND: DAY 2
INT. HOTEL – LYNN’S ROOM, 2006. DAY.
DERRICK WAKES UP WITH A HANGOVER. HE NOTICES HE’S NAKED. HIS EYES ROAM. THEN HE LOOKS TO HIS RIGHT AND FINDS LYNN IN A VERY REVEALING NIGHTIE STARING AND POSING AT HIM.
LYNN:
(nakangiti)
Pet peeve ko. Gusto kong panoorin yung katabi kong natutulog. Thanks for last night, ha.
LYNN GETS UP OF THE BED, STRAIGHTENS UP HER SKIMPY OUTFIT AND HEADS TO THE BATHROOM. IN THE BATHROOM, LYNN GLIMPSES AT DERRICK, WHO IS CURRENTLY SPEECHLESS AND SHOCKED.
LYNN:
O, bat ka parang nakakita ng multo? Did you think we had sex last night?
DERRICK:
(unsure)
Errr… I hope?
LYNN SEDUCTIVELY RETURNS TO THE BED, PLAYED WITH DERRICK’S LIPS AND GOES ON TOP OF DERRICK AND WHISPERS TO HIS EAR.
LYNN:
(shouting)
ASAAAAA KA PA!!!!!!!
LYNN HEADS OUT OF THAT POSITION AND RETURNS TO THE BATHROOM WHILE DERRICK ANGRILY CHECKS HIS EARS.
DERRICK:
(shouting)
PWEDE KA NAMANG MAGSABI NG HINDI SUMISIGAW!!!!!!!
LYNN:
(washes her face in the sink, her body is getting wet with water)
Here’s the thing. Gusto ko pang mabuhay ng matagal. Naramdaman mo na bang kumagat si Caitlin? It’s like a freaking kiss of death – once the rabies kicks in, your life is wasted!
DERRICK:
(pikon)
E MASAKIT E!
(biglang nagtataka)
Naging girlfriend ko talaga si Caitlin?
THEN THEY HEAR A KNOCK. LYNN PUTS HER BATHROBE ON AS SHE HEADS TO THE DOOR.
LYNN:
Sigurado ako gutom ka na. Sa halip na kumain, lumaklak. Pasalamat ka nga at hindi ka sumuka kung hindi…
LYNN OPENS THE DOOR AND HAS THE BIGGEST SHOCK OF HER LIFE WHEN SHE SEES CAITLIN. LUCKILY, SHE OPENED THE DOOR PARTLY.
LYNN:
Holy shit!
CAITLIN:
(sarcastic, smiling)
Yeah… nice to see you too.
CAITLIN NOTICES LYNN NERVOUS.
CAITLIN:
O bat para kang nakakita ng multo?
(laughs)
May lalake ka diyan no! Wala pang isang linggo dito may nabiktima ka na! What’s in this room? What are you hiding here?
CAITLIN FORCES HER ENTRY SENDING LYNN TO THE FLOOR. CAITLIN WALKS IN THEN FINDS DERRICK PUTTING ON HIS PANTS. DERRICK LOOKS AT HER NONCHALANTLY AT FIRST THEN HEADS TO A BOUT OF ANXIETY WHEN HE NOTICES CAITLIN’S BLANK STARE AT HIM. CAITLIN APPROACHES DERRICK COLDLY THEN SLAPS HIM IN THE MOUTH. DERRICK GOES FACE FIRST BACK TO THE BED. HE THEN LOOKS AT CAITLIN WHILE HOLDING HIS JAW. LYNN GETS UP FROM THE FLOOR TO SEPARATE THE TWO.
LYNN:
Caitlin, walang nangyari kagabi! Nakita ko siya sa Luneta nagliliwaliw kaya kunupkop ko muna siya dito!
DERRICK:
Teka para akong aso ha…
LYNN:
(to Derrick)
Tumahimik ka nga!
(to Caitlin)
I don’t even think na siya yung Derrick na pinagaawayan natin dati e!
CAITLIN:
Siya yan…
(lalapitan niya uli si Derrick)
… partly.
CAITLIN GETS DERRICK’S CELLPHONE OFF HER PURSE THEN THROWS IT TO A SPEECHLESS DERRICK.
CAITLIN:
Bistado kang namboboso…
DERRICK IS STUNNED AS CAITLIN GLARES AT HIM.
INT. HOTEL – SWIMMING POOL, 2006. DAY.
PEOPLE ARE STARING AT LYNN AND CAITLIN, CONFIDENTLY SHOWING THEIR GREAT BODY TO A PREDOMINANTLY MALE AUDIENCE. DERRICK IS ALSO CHECKING THE TWO OUT.
LYNN:
Quit staring.
DERRICK:
Ang bilis mong magbago… kagabi lang ang bait-bait mo…
LYNN:
Kagabi kasi, akala ko bente-uno ka na. ‘Pag tinitingnan kita ngayon, mukhang kang little baby brother ko!
DERRICK:
Sana anak na lang ang turing mo sa akin so you can breast feed me…
CAITLIN THEN HITS DERRICK IN THE HEAD. DERRICK ANGRILY STARES AT CAITLIN TO NO AVAIL.
CAITLIN:
Anyway, sabi nung matanda, dapat mag-unite kayo ng future self mo. Oras na mangyari yon, may lalabas na portal at yun ang ticket mo para makabalik.
DERRICK:
Kaso nga lang may problema… nasa Japan ako remember?
CAITLIN:
Yun yung dahilan kaya nawala sina Con, Jacky, at Gabe. Kaso lang, wala tayong kontak sa kanya.
LYNN:
Ayan sinasakal mo kasi. Baka may nakita na yun doon!
CAITLIN LOOKS AT LYNN PISSED.
LYNN:
(moves away from Caitlin)
I was only joking! Sheesh, tension… Might as well swim, nagiging technical na kayo e…
CAITLIN:
Mabuti pa nga…
LYNN STANDS UP, POISELY WALKS TO THE DIVING BOARD WHERE A LOT OF EYES PONDER ON HER, AND DIVES TO THE POOL. DERRICK AND CAITLIN LOOKS ON.
DERRICK:
Is she really that slutty?
CAITLIN:
Tagal na. Umuuwi yan every year tapos magkikita kami. Asaran… pikonan… Pero three years ago muntik nang masira ang friendship namin …
DERRICK:
Bakit?
CAITLIN:
Dahil sayo?
DERRICK:
(confused)
Ha?
CAITLIN:
Oo sayo! Basta magulo. Ayaw mo na mag-aral tapos nagkakalabuan tayo… Isang araw nagkita kayo tapos naglasingan, tapos… alam mo na.
DERRICK:
(smiling)
Yeah baby!
CAITLIN:
(pissed)
Wag ka ngang magpaka-manyak!
DERRICK:
Teka, pano mo nalaman?
CAITLIN:
Hindi ka nakatiis, sinabi mo.
DERRICK:
(shakes head in disbelief)
What? That’s like stooooopid! Ang tanga pala ng future self ko!
CAITLIN:
At bukod sa tanga, ang kapal pa ng mukha! Tuwang-tuwa ka at pinagmamalaki mo na ikaw ang nag-devirginize diyan kay Lynn!
CAITLIN LOOKS AT DERRICK WHO IS SMILING.
CAITLIN:
Wipe that smile off your face.
DERRICK:
This trip is so educational! E sayo, ako rin ba ang nakauna sayo?
CAITLIN WAS CAUGHT OFF GUARD BECOMES SPEECHLESS. THEN LYNN FROM THE POOL SPLASHES WATER ON DERRICK AND CAITLIN.
LYNN:
Hey guys, how ‘bout you two stop yapping and start swimming!
DERRICK:
(to Caitlin)
Teka, sagutin mo muna ang tanong…
CAITLIN RUNS TO THE POOL AND DIVES TO IT, CREATING A BIG SPLASH. DERRICK LOOKS ON.
CAITLIN:
(smiles)
Tara!
THEN DERRICK JUMPS TO JOIN LYNN AND CAITLIN.
EXT. GRASSY PLAIN IN JAPAN, 2006. DAY.
GABE, CON, AND JACKY ARE IN JAPAN. WALKING IN THE GRASS, THEY SPOT A PRODUCTION TRUCK. THEY WALK TO THE TRUCK AND THEY FIND THEMSELVES IN A FILM SET.
JACKY:
Okay dito. Masarap ang hangin…
CON:
Buti na lang may panabla na sa baho ng katabi ko…
GABE SWATS CON AT THE BACK OF HIS HEAD.
GABE:
Hoy limang taon na akong DAILY kung maligo!
CON:
AT PINAGMAMALAKI MO YON?!?
(whispers at Gabe)
Hindi normal sa isang tao ang magamoy tae pagkatapos maligo!
GABE:
(whisper)
I’m trying my best pare! IT DOESN’T WORK!
THEN THEY SAW THREE MEN PUSHING A CATAPULT. THE THREE LOOK CONFUSED AND THEY FOLLOWED THE DIRECTION AS TO WHERE THEY ARE PUSHING THE CONTRAPTION. THEN THEY SAW DERRICK SITTING PRETTY WITH THREE ASSISTANTS. ONE HOLDING HIS COFFEE AND THE OTHER TWO MASSAGES HIS FEET.
CREW:
Direk Derrick! Nakahanda na po ang mga artista.
DERRICK:
Maganda yan. O magumpisa na tayo.
DERRICK READS THROUGH THE SCRIPT. WE THEN SEE THREE GROWN MEN WEARING JAPANESE SCHOOL GIRL UNIFORMS WALK IN FRONT OF HIM.
CREW:
(whispers)
Direk … nagrereklamo yung extra… kailangan ho ba sa scene na tao?
DERRICK:
(pissed)
Kinukwestyon ang aking talento? Sino bay an? At bat nagrereklamo yan?
CREW:
Tingin ko may stage fright.
DERRICK:
(angry)
Wala akong pakialam! May kontrata siyang pinirmahan!
CREW:
Okay Direk, sorry po…
DERRICK:
Walang kwenta na nga ang script wala pa kayong kwenta! Ako lang ba ang talent laden dito! Ano tingin niyo sa pinunta natin dito, bakasyon?
(calms up)
Okay, quiet on the set… Action!
SCENE STARTS. WE SHIFT TO A GUY AND A GIRL NAMED EUGENE AND IVY TALKING. THE THREE JAPANESE GIRL-UNIFORMED GUYS ARE STANDING BEHIND EUGENE, WHO IS ALSO WEARING THE SAME UNIFORM. EUGENE IS PLEADING, IVY IS PISSED.
EUGENE:
(overactingly pleading)
Ivy, kausapin mo ako!
IVY:
(overactingly crying)
Tama na ang mga paliwanag mo Eugene! Nandidiri ako sayo!
EUGENE:
May ginagawa ba akong nakakadiri?!?
IVY:
Tingnan mo suot mo… GAGO! Ang sabi mo sa akin, pupunta ka rito para maging systems analyst sa isang sikat na kumpanya!
EUGENE:
I’m sorry, pinaasa kita. Pero ginagawa ko lang naman to para kumita tayo ng pera!
IVY:
Wala nang pero pero, Eugene! Sawa na ako sa mga pinagsasabi mo! Simula ngayon, wala ka ng asawa!
IVY WAS ABOUT TO LEAVE WHEN EUGENE GRABS HER HAND.
EUGENE:
Ivy, maniwala ka, mahal kita! Ayokong mawala ka sa akin. Oras na iwan mo ako, mamamatay ako!
IVY, CURRENTLY CRYING, FORCES HERSELF OUT OF EUGENE’S GRASPS AND RUNS AWAY.
IVY:
(while running and crying)
Paalam Eugene… pakshet ka!
EUGENE LETS GO. ALL OF A SUDDEN…
DERRICK:
CUT!! Good take, good take! I-pwesto na ang stuntman!
THE PROPSMEN WASTE NO TIME IN SETTING UP A CATAPULT, NOW ARMED WITH A HUGE BOULDER. THEN A STUNTMAN IS PLACED IN A LARGE “X” SIGN, SCARED TO DEATH. DERRICK APPROACHES THE STUNTMAN.
STUNTMAN:
(scared)
Walanghiya, may bachelor’s degree ako sa education hindi ko ginagamit!
DERRICK:
Mahirap kumita ng pera ngayon. Atsaka hindi ka naman tatamaan nito e, padadaplisin lang natin sa tenga mo… kung gusto mo, practice muna sila?
THE CREW NOW HAVE A DIABOLICAL SMILE ON THE FACES. THE STUNTMAN BECOMES MORE WORRIED. THEN DERRICK’S LACKEY ENTERS.
CREW:
Direk, may naghahanap sa inyo…
DERRICK:
Sino?
DERRICK LOOKS AND FINDS THE THREE. DERRICK HAPPILY APPROACHES THEM.
GABE:
Babaksakan talaga yan?
CON:
Ayos roadkill!
DERRICK:
Styro lang YATA yan… Teka, bat pala kayo nandito?
JACKY:
Hindi mo alam?
CON:
Tumitingin ka ba sa kalendaryo?
DERRICK:
April 8? Graduation ni Caitlin! Galit ba? Nakalimutan ko!
GABE:
Hindi yon. Yung nangyari dati.
DERRICK:
Ano yon? Labo mo a.
CON:
Bigla namang tumalino dito si Jacky tapos ikaw bumobo!
GABE:
Time machine pare… THE?!?
DERRICK THINKS THEN BECOME AWE-STRICKEN.
INT. LIBRARY, 2001. DAY.
CAITLIN IS ALONE, SOLEMNLY READING AN EGYPTIAN BOOK. NEAR HER ARE A BUNCH OF EGYPTIAN BOOKS. THEN SHE FEELS SOMEONE APPROACHING HER FROM HER BACK. HE LAYS THE BOOK DOWN AND LYNN AND MAY ENTERS.
CAITLIN:
(irritated)
O anong problema niyo?
LYNN:
(insulting)
Ikaw naman Caitlin, nag-ibang bansa lang si Derrick ng ilang araw, nagkakaganyan ka na?
CAITLIN:
(confused)
Ibang bansa?
CAITLIN LOOKS AT MAY, CURRENTLY CONVINCING HER TO GO ALONG WITH THE STORY.
CAITLIN:
(pissed)
Kelan ka ba talaga aalis?
LYNN:
After graduation.
CAITLIN:
Bat di pa ngayon?
LYNN GRABS A BOOK, THE ONE CAITLIN WAS READING. SHE OPENS ON A PAGE THEN LAYS IT BACK ON THE TABLE.
LYNN:
Bat ka nagbabasa ng ganyan? Meron ba tayong quiz na hindi ko alam?
MAY SMIRKS. CAITLIN ANGRILY LOOKS AT MAY AND SHE STOPS. LYNN LOOKS AT THE THREE CLUELESSLY.
LYNN:
May alam ba kayo na ‘di ko alam? Teka wiwiwi na muna ako. Dito lang kayo ha!
LYNN EXITS THE LIBRARY AND GABE, JACKY, AND CON ENTERS. CON ENTERED THE LIBRARY WITH FEAR ON HER EYES.
CAITLIN:
(to May)
O anong tinatawa-tawa mo diyan kanina?
MAY:
(to Caitlin)
Obvious ka kaya.
(to the boys)
O, bat kayo nandito?
GABE:
Hina-hunting siya ni Dan kasi ayaw magbayad ng utang.
CON:
Mayaman ako. Hindi ‘ko natatandaan na umutang ako. Gusto niya lang makasama ako lagi. Feeling ko, crush niya ako. Grabe, mahirap talaga ang pogi!
MAY:
Yuck!
GABE:
Suwerte mo kung mangyari nga yon!
CON:
Sa akin pwede talagang mangyari yon! Pero sayo? Wag kang mag-alala … PANGIT KA KASI!! HAHAHAHA!!
GABE WAS ABOUT TO HIT CON WITH A BOOK WHEN HIS CELLPHONE RINGS. THE LIBRARIAN LOOKS AT THEM. GABE LOOKS AT THE CALLER ID OF HIS PHONE AND SEES THAT IT IS DERRICK.
GABE:
Derrick!?!
THEY ARE ALL SHOCKED. GABE RUNS OUTSIDE THE LIBRARY AND ANSWERS THE PHONE ON THE CORRIDOR.
GABE:
O bat napatawag ka?
INT. LIBRARY/CORRIDOR 2001. DAY/ INT. HOTEL – LYNN’S ROOM, 2006. DAY
DERRICK IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM WHERE THE 2006 VERSIONS OF LYNN AND CAITLIN ARE BUSY GOSSIPING.
DERRICK:
Dude uma-update lang kaya mabilis lang ‘to! Sabihin mo kay Caitlin “hi!”.
GABE:
Given na yon.
DERRICK:
At pakibantayan si Lynn kung meron nang date sa prom!
JACKY AND CON EXITS THE LIBRARY AND GOES TO GABE.
GABE:
(clueless)
Ha? Bakit?
DERRICK:
She’s like super hot pare!
GABE:
Parang mali ka ng kinukwentuhan…
GABE PASSES THE PHONE TO CON.
CON:
Hello? Teka ano ba tong pinaguusapan niyo?
DERRICK:
Pare ang lupit ni Lynn! Tapos I devirginized her pare!
CON:
Payatot na Lynn?
DERRICK:
Tol maniwala ka sa akin! Nung tinabihan ko sa kama…
CON:
(shouts)
TINABIHAN MO SA KAMA?!?
EVERYONE IN THE CORRIDOR LOOKS TO THEIR DIRECTION. INCLUDING BOOGIE WHO WAS STARTLED FROM CON’S SHOUT WHEN HE PASSED BY.
BOOGIE:
(shouts)
LAKASAN MO PA PAGSASALITA MO AT HINDI PA SIYA MARIRINIG SA KABILANG IBAYO!!!!
CON BOWS HIS HEAD, JACKY AND GABE LOOKS IN OTHER DIRECTIONS AS THOUGH NOTHING HAPPENED. BOOGIE LOOKS AT THEM PISSED WHILE HE EXITS.
BOOGIE:
Bobo.
BOOGIE WALKS OFF. CON AND DERRICK CONTINUE THEIR CONVERSATION.
CON:
(whisper)
Nung tinabihan mo sa kama?
DERRICK:
Malaman pare! Siguro mukha ni Joyce, katawan ni Rufa Mae…
CON:
Teka, kaya ka ba tumawag sa amin, para mang-inggit?
DERRICK:
Oo.
CON:
(talking to the phone with a diabolical grin)
Putang ina naiinggit talaga ako! Detalye pa PUTA!
THEN THE CALL GETS CUT OFF.
CON:
Wow bitin…
GABE:
O ano daw?
CON:
Pare narinig mo ba yung mga pinagsasabi ni Derrick?
GABE:
Mukha yatang nage-enjoy siya doon e. Tapos yung sinasabi niya kay Lynn…
CON:
Siya raw ang unang nakapopoy kay Lynn! Pero dats so imposible man! Tingnan mo naman si Lynn? Yan ba yung tipong magiging hot balang araw? Malaki ulo, maliit katawan… MUKHANG STAND FAN! At akala ko ba crush niyan si Caitlin? Siguro pumanget na si Caitlin noong tumanda?
JACKY IS NOW TAPPING CON’S SHOULDER.
JACKY:
Psst! Con!
CON:
Hoy ano na naman yan? Teka sasamahan ko muna tong umebak…
CON’S EYES WIDEN WHEN HE SEES CAITLIN AND MAY BEHIND THEM. THEN GABE’S PHONE RINGS AGAIN AND WHEN THEY LOOK AT THE CALLER ID, IT IS STILL DERRICK. CON GIVES THE PHONE TO GABE BUT HE DOESN’T WANT IT. HE THEN SIGNALS THAT HE’S GOING TO THROW THE PHONE TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CORRIDOR BUT CAITLIN EXTENDS HER HAND BASICALLY ASKING CON TO GIVE IT TO HER. CON GIVES THE PHONE TO CAITLIN AND THEN RUNS. CAITLIN ANSWERS THE PHONE BUT SHE DOESN’T TALK.
DERRICK:
Uy Con sorry pala, may biglang dumaan na tren e… as I was saying…
CAITLIN:
Derrick totoo ba yung mga pinagsasabi ng mga ito kanina?
DERRICK:
(confused)
Con? Kelan ka pa naging kaboses…
(thinks then gets the an
