SNAP SHOT
Instant Messaging WHILE in the Workplace
Episode 5: HYUBS, FROI, AND OLGA MAE
Uncensored. NOW SOMEWHAT Unscripted. And unsolicited. Just when you think nothing will come out when you engage a conversation inside the realm of cyberspace, TADAH! You can see what you typed in this page!
Cheap plug: My YM is stacey_the_evil_chipmunk (if you want your thoughts to be hacked).
| The situation: It was the day after I posted the Olga Mae episode. I’m sure she doesn’t know why they are grown men checking her Friendster page but she <hehe> must be thrilled with all the attention. SYET 15 people has viewed me!!! Read on. |
jatayna: Hi.
The Sydman: Hu u?
jatayna: Hyubs.
The Sydman: Pakshet! Marami kang account?!? Para saan!?!?!
jatayna: Dami spam sa kabila eh. Nililipat ko yung ibang contact ko d2.
The Sydman: Ano to? Marami kang ka-chat!?!? Hindi ba ‘to ikaw lang tapos may bukas ding isang computer tapos wina-ym mo yung kabilang computer??
jatayna: Kahit 10 YM accounts pwede login sabay sabay sa isang window lang!
Then another window pops up. It was his “main” YM identity. Uber-geeky…
Hyubs: Ayan okay na..
The Sydman: So, sa isang araw, ilan ang nakakausap mo?
Hyubs: Ngayon? onti na lang... di ako nagpapakita sa iba eh
The Sydman: So may pinagtataguan ka na?? Lupet!
Hyubs: Madami!
Writer’s Note: ULOL!
The Sydman: Tulad ng?? Mga hot na babae ng iyong nakaraan? O mga hot ng lalake ng iyong nakaraan?? Well either way, kaibigan ka pa rin namin kahit anong mangyari...
Hyubs: Mga babae ang message ng message! 1500 contacts naka-add dito!
The Sydman: So sa 1500 contacts, ilan ang sayo? Sa mga contacts mo 600 ba ay sayo?
Hyubs: Dalawa lang account ko!
The Sydman: Sigurado ka? So ilan diyan kakilala mo? Baka naman lahat yan robot? <xxx> I'm at my webcam right now wanna chat? <xxx>
Daming kuneho sa net e. Isa ka ba don? Ayun pala, kung trip mo may kaibigang sosyalera si Jorge.
Hyubs: Kaibigan ni Jorge? O si Jorge yung sosyalera?
The Sydman: Pareho. Type mo sa Friendster, Olga Mae Flores.
Hyubs: Baka naman... alter ego ni Froilan Flores yan pag gabi?
The Sydman: OH!!!! PWEDE!!! Talino mo pare! Galing! As of this moment binibenta ko na inpormasyon mo kay Bajie.
While I was talking with Hyubs I was also chatting with Bajie. This was kinda like Sliding Doors but had Jay and Silent Bob in it. Anyway, here are some of the banters.
The Sydman: Dalawa ba YM accounts mo? Dalawa account ni Hyubs dahil todo spam daw siya sa dami ng nagme-message sa kanya.
Bajie: Eh si Hyubs yun eh! Alam mo naman si Hyubs… "H'YUP ni H'YUB"!
The Sydman: (unimpressed) Awful slogan due to awfulness of subject.
Bajie: (pissed) You freakin' started it.
(change topic) Alam mo ba kung bakit sobrang smooth si Edson? I mean… damn! He's like Raditz! Pure potential but… retarded! Siguro isa rin syang cosmic experiment…
For those of you that never followed Dragon Ball Z, Raditz was that weak ridiculous alien menace that was killed by Gohan.
The Sydman: Raditz and Hyubs are both emo.
Bajie: Hyubs emo na? Kala ko punk-ass yun? Tapos umabot din yun ng metal stage? Infant-toddler-hiphop-metal-punk-emo stage... skip puberty, he wants to bleed myself dry… I mean himself…
The Sydman: *printscreen*
“He wants to bleed myself dry…” ß Was this human error? It was actually but this is too disgusting to pass up.
The Sydman: You have Hyub fantasies.
Bajie: (crunching his fists, probably to inflict pain) Tsk tsk! Hindi mo mapo-post yan sa blog mo! Ano nga pangalan nung magandang kaibigan ni JORGE?
The Sydman: Olga Mae Flores! Type mo lang... kita mo na?
Normally it’s hard to impress Bajie. However… minutes later…
Bajie: (excited) swabe!! dyis pare! dyis!!! kung pwEdE lang onse, bibigyan ko siya ng onse!!!
The Sydman: Pag nagdikit kayo, pwede gumawa ng onse! Pag tatlo, e di 111!
Bajie: (excited turns to fury) onseng tadyak sa leeg!!!
The Sydman: Balita ko, sosi daw yan. Magimik tapos mahilig magsuot ng pink! Balak pa niyang i-submit ang picture niya sa Allure page ng Philippine Star! Pero ‘di pumayag ang Star. Bulag yata sila…
Bajie: Parang sarap isama sa isang movie premiere… pakilala sa mga kaibigan… Teka… baka ‘di ako pumasa pla… gimikera pla sya! Socialite! High class, high maintenance! Hinde nga raw yata mapilit ni Diether Ocampo na mag pose sa UNO Magazine eh! Pero nagsusulat ata sa mga PLIS NID TIXTMEYT sa mga tabloid!
The Sydman: Di mo maisip na may kaibigang ganito si Jorge no?
Bajie: Well… he is a sick fuck dude. I saw him one time with a kitten… Deym! Dude wasak yung genitals nung kitten nung nakita ko! Tumakbo na lang ko sa takot!
The Sydman: Male o female?
Bajie: He likes to choke his chikin' to the tune of "Hawak Kamay"! The fairy… the fucking cunt… that sick fuck!
The Sydman: Hawak kamay pare? That's just mean pare. Downright mean!
Bajie: Syet. I was thinking, ini-imagine niya na siya si Yeng o may pagnanasa sya kay Yeng. And he gots like hidden posters of the singer who sang, “Miss kita pag Tuesday”? In between ng kama nya… arrgghh!
Now synchronized na ang oras. This was the time I ditched the Hyubs conversation.
The Sydman: Sabi ni Hyubs baka alter-ego ni Froi si Olga Mae Flores pag gabi!
Though he sucks as a life form, Hyubs seriously had a probable point.
Bajie: Ay si Froi. Alam mo ga, hiwalay na ata sila ni Janis. Tsk Tsk… sayang naman… Kala ko sila na talaga.
The Sydman: <naghihintay ng tawa or anything that starts with “bwahaha”>
Bajie: Men, seryoso ako. Mga kaibigan ko sila…
The Sydman: <still waiting for that bwahaha>
Bajie: Isipin mo… antagal na nila… ang buhay tlga, hinde mo ma p predict ang kahihinatnan. Iba talaga ang kapalaran.
Cue in "Malayo pa ang Umaga" by Dodong of The Youth.
TO BE CONTINUED
