SNAP SHOT
Instant Messaging WHILE in the Workplace
Episode 7: WELCOME CYBERBITCHES!
Uncensored. NOW SOMEWHAT Unscripted. And unsolicited. Just when you think nothing will come out when you engage a conversation inside the realm of cyberspace, TADAH! You can see what you typed in this page!
Cheap plug: My YM is stacey_the_evil_chipmunk (if you want your thoughts to be hacked).
| The Situation: |
| It started with another evening in the office… |
Hyubs, isang barkada namin na ayaw magpatalo, will open up this “episode” with a quote.
Hyubs: Si Optimus Prime ay isang magiting na mandirigma. I-send ito sa 10 tao at magiging AutoBot ka ng 2 araw. Promise, totoo to, yung kaibigan ko nga naging tricycle. Ipasa ang magandang balita!
My other friend, Tomi, had the same version but instead of tricycle, he changed this to a vibrator…
Who wouldn’t to be a vibrator?
Hmmmm…
Anyway, with that out of the way… driven to create fresh journals, I have indulged in chatting.
jorgecosgayon: (singing “Don’t Make Me Over” awkwardly) Don't make me over. Accept me for what I aaaam! Accept me for things I dooooo. Accept me for what I aaaam! Accept me for things i dooooo! Don't make me oveeeer....
(happy) Burt Bacharach is the greatest songwriter of the 20th century.
The Sydman: Next to Sam Milby?
jorgecosgayon: (seriously pissed) Die.
The Sydman: Joking pare. Pinuntahan pala ako dito ni Edson. And he's offering chicks pare! Kaso nasa meeting ako. I doubt they are pretty. Pero that could have been something...
jorgecosgayon: Tanginang Edson yan! Ano nangyari don? May pera na siguro kaya ken apord!
The Sydman: I dunno pero may pera naman lagi yun e. Kaso feeling pretty boy yung gago. Mr. Confidence of sorts…
jorgecosgayon: LOL. Mr. Confidence pag hindi nya kilala.
The Sydman: Ex nga ng pinsan niya yun!
jorgecosgayon: (raised eyebrows) Yun ba yun? Labo…
The Sydman: I don't consider this sudden gush of hotness pero you have to give credit to where or WHAT is due. That monkey might have some kind of a FB… minus the F.
jorgecosgayon: Madali ang FB. Pero ang sama nyo!
The Sydman: (shocked) Ako? Pano nasama ako???
jorgecosgayon: Hala guilty!
The Sydman: Nope.
(thinks) At least not yet. Dude I don't pay for play.
jorgecosgayon: Yan na nga sinasabi ko e. Malay mo naka-score nga si Edson ng chick na maganda at seksi! Someone that actually finds him interesting… and smart… and charming…
Cybersilence.
jorgecosgayon: (freak out look) Wait… the universe is coming apart at the seams!!!
Further cybersilence. After a long wait.
jorgecosgayon: (hysterical) SHitfucknoshitomigawdnoplease!!
(dramatic pause) No.
Escaping Jorge’s mumbling, I indulged into online “flirting”. For some reason, I want to know if I can still get a number inside cyberspace. My first mission is to grope the room they call Metro Manila Barkada.
The Sydman: Hi my real name’s Leandro Baldemor. Can you be my Rita Magdalena?
Damn it, I feel like I’m back in college… her profile says she’s from Vegas by the way.
amanda_636_redhead: Hhhhmmmmmm… All sizes are fun!
The Sydman: (beat) Teka, uhurm, wait, what do you mean by that?
(pissed) Is it because I'm Asian??? Is that it???
amanda_636_redhead: Because, I don't like that word… too much talking. Let’s get naked!
The Sydman: (sarcastic) Sooooo... in what part of the world are you and why are you soooo brave?
(thinks) WAIT! Am I chatting with a guy???
amanda_636_redhead: Well I am ready to do it on my cam, honey! People are driving me nuts with these PMs!!! Hang on, I'm logging into the server, will you wait for me just a second?
That was just stupid. But I smelled a pattern. Here is the second take.
The Sydman: Bat ga ang daming taga-Las Vegas dito??
sensual_alyssa_971: Hhhhmmmmmm…
The Sydman: (disappointed) Oh crap. I think I know the next line that will follow...
sensual_alyssa_971: RRUWSAAUHZX!!!!!
Stunned silence.
The Sydman: (beat) Now THAT I didn't see coming.
sensual_alyssa_971: Come fast and again and again, hurry up!
The Sydman: Fuck this! Siguro pag nag-Tagalog ako hindi mo ako maiintindihan no?? Is this some kind of prostitution thing?
sensual_alyssa_971: All sizes are fun!
The Sydman: (raise eyebrows) Sure they are.
sensual_alyssa_971: From the wet spot on my bed to my cam to your face!
The Sydman: Uhhh... yeah... about that... I AM YOUR FATHER!!!!
sensual_alyssa_971: People are driving me nuts with these PMs!!! Hang on, I'm logging into the server, will you wait for me just a second?
The Sydman: (nonchalant) Whatever.
sensual_alyssa_971: Ok it's on. It's my private cam and I don't want everyone to know I'm there. Go to my profile here and click on the link under my picture, I’m going there now, meet you inside sweetie… http://profiles.yahoo.com/sensual_alyssa_971 - hope to see you.
The Sydman: (nonchalant) Yeah sure.
When I was in college MIRC was popular. Now you can expect to flirt with monkeys over the internet but at least they not these robots posing and trying to get to your credit card!! Though I can’t say I’m noble… I was actually looking for a story. This was the last chick.
The Sydman: ROBOT KA BA?!?!
adorable_jodie_129: How come?
The Sydman: Uhhh... let me guess? You're not from Manila right?
adorable_jodie_129: Do you think you could handle this pussy? Go ahead, try to guess!
The Sydman: (mad) Uhhhh... DAMN IT! First of all, I can handle your pussy because it seems like the trend here is all sizes are fun AND I AM PART OF THAT ALL SIZES GROUP THEREFORE I AM FUN! And second of all, STOP CREEPING ME OUT! I DON’T DO MY COMPUTER!!!
(thinks) It might help if I can see a picture. Otherwise... meh.
adorable_jodie_129: Alright Sweetie, I’m gonna go now if you wanna come see me on my webcam i'll be at <www.cam-land%2ecom/princess?1s> for the next hour or so.
That was another credit card moment.
Can’t a German pedophile be happy posing as a 14-year-old woman to snatch an equally aged kid? Or can mail order brides not start being chat mates before the other pays the other and mail the chick to his country? How dare us destroy the simple things? Yeah sure, granted, chatting isn’t that popular these days but…
Damn it, now aside from violating the private-ness of internet messaging I acquired another mission to get something out of the cybercommunity!
With this, I leave you with a moment of Zen.
| Waiting for adorable_jodie_129 to accept 1 file: |
| Vhong Navarro – Chick Boy.mp3 (4537 KB) |
| Cancel (Alt+Shift+C) |
The cover pic was from the Korean movie Marriage is a Crazy Thing.
