SNAP SHOT
Instant Messaging WHILE in the Workplace
Episode 11: THE DARE THAT NEVER HAPPENED
Uncensored. NOW SOMEWHAT Unscripted. And unsolicited. Just when you think nothing will come out when you engage a conversation inside the realm of cyberspace, TADAH! You can see what you typed in this page!
Cheap plug: My YM is stacey_the_evil_chipmunk (if you want your thoughts to be hacked).
| The Situation: |
| This was hours after I posted the episode THAT HIGH SCHOOL GIRL in my blogsite. Read on. |
jorgecosgayon: Dude, andami mong "Ones that got away"!
The Sydman: Procrastination blows dude.
jorgecosgayon: SOBRA! Procrastination is best left done tomorrow.
The Sydman: Right you are pare.
(thinks) Wait... what?
jorgecosgayon: Pero it's cute. I likes. Cute. ‘Di trying hard na cute.
The Sydman: This is the reason why I need female characters! I'm like freakin’ Holden McNeil pare!
jorgecosgayon: Who the fuck is Holden McNeil?!?
The Sydman: Chasing Amy.
jorgecosgayon: HA!
The Sydman: So pare, bad trip ata sakin si Bajie. You see may pustahan kami…
Flashback sequence…
Bajie: I dare you Syd. Have a girlfriend in two months, magpapa-inom ako. And shame on you kung magbabayad ka ng tao para magpanggap na GF mo!
The Sydman: Okay so ano ang rules? Will this involve violence?
Bajie: Nope. Tsk tsk, all talk and no walk. WALK THE TALK, big guy! Start date bigyan mo ako.
The Sydman: You set up sumtin and then I'll strike. No buts pare…
Bajie: (interrupts) Blah blah blah!
The Sydman: Dude okay nga ako doon e! Ano pang binablahblahblah mo!?!
Bajie: Okay. Saan?
The Sydman: Ikaw bahala! Provide the target pero dapat workable. Hindi yung tipong gusto yung lalake macho tapos may kotse tapos yung clingy. Atsaka probable ang location…
Bajie: Hinde ako! Ikaw ang pipili ng target! Ako lang magse-set ng rules…
The Sydman: O sige. Baka kasi Batangas City nakatira ang subject…
Bajie: (angry) IKAW NGA PIPILI NG BABAE EH!!! Wag na nga! Simpleng bagay ‘di mo maintindihan, panliligaw pa kaya…
The Sydman: Oo nga! Kaya nga ibigay mo yung guidelines ‘pag trip mo na tapos game!
Bajie: Bahala ka nga kung sino gusto mo pormahan basta magagawa mo yung mga activities required para mapatunayang GF mo nga!
The Sydman: Anong guidelines? Tae naman to e. Matampuhin! Pero ano ang requirements? Friendster pic na naghahalikan? Actual na pagpapakilala? Gamit na condom?????
Bajie: Rules are 1) no ex's, 2) you have to make her visit the tambayan on Saturday at least 4 times within the 2 months allotted. 3) Dinner at least two times with the barkada… ikaw na bahala if KKB o sagot mo, 4) movie date na tagalog ang papanoorin with the berks of course, and 5) no artista jokes for the whole two months!
The Sydman: Now that I won't do! Papakilala ko sayo sa labas, bar or something pero promise ko na sa sarili ko NA HINDI NA AKO MAGDADALA NG BABAE SA SHOP! GETS?? Plus the artista jokes… why?
What are the odds of a girl liking a computer shop filled with DOTA playing men and Edson if she’s not a gamer or if she doesn’t know anyone. Hmmm…
Bajie: So you won't do it? Too bad. Dude, as if planado yung kay <bleep>…
What’s the bleep for? Ladadee…
The Sydman: I won't take chances. Basta no chance in hell.
Bajie: Then you’re that kind.
The Sydman: I am not that's why I'm laying out the rules! Basta, game ako dito. I'm like Ted in How I Met Your Mother.
Bajie: Game pero ayaw mo ng isang requirement? What’s that?
The Sydman: Dinner with the barkada? Okay. Movie date na Tagalog ang papanoorin? Pwede. PERO WALANG DALAHAN SA SHOP!
Bajie: If your not gonna trust them with your girl, paano mo sila masasabing kaibigan? See… sobrang paranoia mo sa barkada… Tsk tsk, if friend mo ako, hinde ko to ito-tolerate ‘pag lam ko mali ka.
The Sydman: Whatever pare. So except for the shop thing, is this on?
Bajie: No, its not on, ‘til lahat ng requirements ma-fulfill! Wala naman imposible sa mga yun eh! Sabihin mo lang if you want to see the whole requirement.
Flashback sequence ends. It didn’t take long since I just copy-pasted this.
The Sydman: Sabi ko anywhere ‘pag gusto nilang makita, doon ko dadalhin pero never na sa tambayan. Ayaw niyang pumayag.
I guess during this time Jorge was contacting Bajie.
jorgecosgayon: ‘Di sinagot ni Baj tanong ko. Bat ba? Takot ka na bang agawan na naman ng taga-tambayan?
The Sydman: Not that. Ayoko lang ng mga extraneous variables. Double-edged sword kasi e.
jorgecosgayon: Liiiiiiiike? Kinakahiya mo mga taga-tambayan? Sabagay ako din. That place can make or break a relationship e. Baka either ‘di sila masakyan ng chick or di ka masakyan dahil dun ka tumatambay.
The Sydman: In a way, sila yung pumupuno sa mga mali ko. But in some point, nagiging overdependent ako sa kanila. Gusto ko at least ako muna yung gagawa ng problema at magso-solb kesa umasa ako sa iba.
jorgecosgayon: Parang litmus test ang tambayan…
The Sydman: Plus in some way, there is the “incident” thing. Like Bajie said, di yun planado. Kaya nga mas lalong nakakatakot e.
jorgecosgayon: Sabagay… or di nga ba planado? Hehe! So may prospek ka na ba diyan?
The Sydman: No idea. Pero may guidelines din ako e. 1) No pouncing on other people's GF. 2) Dapat malapit lang sa bahay ko or dalawang sakay lang if malayo tapos optional ang tricycle… 3) Gets niya ang aking mga crazy-ass ideas. 4) Medium maintenance and career girl. Masyado bang mataas?
jorgecosgayon: Well aside from number 1, wala ako problema dun.
The Sydman: Well number 1 is hard … unless the woman’s a slut. Teka, baket ka naman may problema sa number 1? Has the ever-so-righteous Jorge done this??
jorgecosgayon: Hindi ako righteous, self-righteous lang! Well andaming superb na taken na e! I mean, at our age? Waiting for a girl to just pop up… single na superb? Labo… sobrang labo. Other option is to go young and… well… carnal fun aside, young's not fun.
The Sydman: You got a point there... pero you must admit, chicks need to be materialistic. All those non-materialistic are either desperate or ugly. In terms of young... pare I don't want another. The relationship of an employee and a student is much harder compared to a long distance relationship!
jorgecosgayon: Well, fun pero not fun na long term. Eto na lang, footnote ko sa young: What are the chances na young chick that gets you?
The Sydman: At our age, people will mistake us as pedophiles! Alam mo yun… the overtime, cancelled lakad because of a rush project... the fact that you can't go out at given nights, etc.
jorgecosgayon: Oh, I know THAT too well! FAR TOO WELL!! Kaya nga ayoko young! Kaya nga sabi ko ang choice naten is…
(dramatic pause) …mang-agaw.
The Sydman: Mang-agaw? I'm not that keen...
jorgecosgayon: Question: Are there still single girls not that young that get us?
The Sydman: Well yeah... I think so... there are hot geeky girls that flaunt the net or perhaps kill bots in some crappy mmorpg. Why?
jorgecosgayon: Coz I gotta get me summa dat. Anyway, one thing I've noticed about hot geeky girls is they are so sobrang defensive at mataray. Baka in response to some inferiority complex? Basta ‘pag hot geeky girl, mainitin ulo yun or mapagmaliit. Mahirap man sabihin pero… tsk…
The Sydman: Well, either the attitude or the sluttiness. Any choice is right.
jorgecosgayon: Dude…
The Sydman: Yup?
jorgecosgayon: Yosi.
The Sydman: Sige.
I have to admit, this is the gayest conversation ever. And I'm also adding this... disturbing. Jorge speaking out on his feelings is synonymous no man-and-dog sex.
Time to end the suffering.
END.
