SNAP SHOT

Instant Messaging WHILE in the Workplace

Episode 13: MAGING TSINO KA MAN

(the Janson series)

Uncensored. NOW SOMEWHAT Unscripted. And unsolicited. Just when you think nothing will come out when you engage a conversation inside the realm of cyberspace, TADAH! You can see what you typed in this page!

Cheap plug: My YM is stacey_the_evil_chipmunk (if you want your thoughts to be hacked).

Guys love to gossip… actually more than women. Some of them go overboard though and try to pass on the sick fact that yes, goons like Goma, Joey Marquez, and previously, Edu Manzano can pass as showbiz talk show hosts.

While some do a good job at it (not oncam though), man gossip is a bit more destructive than the usual girly chats in any place where sitting is possible. Men use these “secrets” for “dangerous liaisons”

Most of the times though, we just do this for plain laugh trip. Now that’s even worse.

The Sydman:                 You're so chismoso pare… damn you.

jorgecosgayon:              I can't help it. They give spice to MY life! I live vicariously through their misery! Ano balita kina Froi?

The Sydman:                 It's not even “them” anymore. It’s now Janson.

jorgecosgayon:              (clueless) Janson? What the hell is a Janson? Teka, sino si “son”?

The Sydman:                 Figure it out fool. Actually yun na yung clue. Fool...

Cybersilence. Then Jorge blurts out a girly scream.

jorgecosgayon:              edson?!?!?!!? NO… FUCKING… WAY!! Kaya ba biglang tumaas ang self-esteem ng lemming na yon?!?!

The Sydman:                 Yes fucking way, mofo! Edson is the super hottest thing in the planet right now and there's a party in his pants and YOU ARE invited!!!!

I was about to write a discriminating slur but the last line I said was somewhat wrong.

jorgecosgayon:              Teka?!?! Kasi naagaw nya yung babae kay Froi?  

(stunned then sickened) OH MY FUCKING GAWD!

The Sydman:                 No no no. Listen moron. Ever since, we have been authorized to maul Edson's stature as a human.

jorgecosgayon:              So? Ngayon?

The Sydman:                 This was one of those moments. HOWEVER! Edson has had something with Janis. Ayaw aminin... pero alam mo yun... when your gut feeling is talking...

jorgecosgayon:              No fucking WAY!

The Sydman:                 So now that Froi has taken himself out of the equation...

jorgecosgayon:              (shocked) No fucking WAY!

The Sydman:                 Actually forcing his way out of the situation…

jorgecosgayon:              (hindi na shocked at trip na lang ang pagsigaw habang kinakamot ang balls) No fucking WAaaaaY!

(thinks) Anyway, good for him.   

The Sydman:                 (raised eyebrows) Oh stop your sarcasm.

(normal tone) Continuing, we can feel Edson will go and do something cool. Take note... hugas lahat ng kamay namin dito. Malinis kami dito.

We anticipated every moment of it pero wala ng bagong material e. So we kinda got bored… 

jorgecosgayon:              (hysterical) Cool?!?! Pano maging cool yon?!? Going after Janis!?! That's like… the most… pathetic thing he can do! And we're talking about EDSON HERE!! Nasa Wikipedia sya ng pathetic! Nasa pathetic.wikia.org sya!

Writer’s note: I think Edson is not pathetic. Moron? Yes. Oriental Waste of Sperm? Definitely. Pathetic? Hardly.

The Sydman:                 Look, the most exciting love story for the last five years has had its run and is not that popular with the audience anymore! I mean even Angel Locsin, with all her hotness, can not stop the fact that her movie fucked up in the box office! Now if we turn this love triangle story... say with a new love team and a pretty storyline revolving around comedy… and Animal Planet… this can actually be... (dramatic pause) ENTERTAINING! Cool for us pare! Nakakatawa e!  

jorgecosgayon:              Well yeah… but not cool… it's gonna be hilarious! Pota don't post this kasi this is unflattering to Janis…

(devil grin) Haha.  

(continuing) but that's not gonna help Edson up his cool factor any. Dude… si Janis… I mean… I know kaibigan natin siya and all that’s Janis righT?? How is SHE going to be a cool factor for Edson?!?!?!  

The Sydman:                 *printscreen*

I actually learned to use the printscreen as a dangerous weapon after all the things I have written in YM that Jorge has taken advantage.  

jorgecosgayon:              (shocked) NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Sydman:                 BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!

jorgecosgayon:              (angry) Jerkoff! 

The Sydman:                 Dude you got to be SUPER naive for you to think that I will NOT post this. However, you have a point there. You see, Edson is that guy we call...

(thinks) … Moron. You should know that Edson… YES THAT UNSETTLING GAMOF, has the face to become something cute. (dramatic pause) That's where she steps in.

jorgecosgayon:              Oh Edson, you lovable mongoloid you!

The Sydman:                 The girl that would suck the life around you with one deafening holler! And then she'll face the wrath of Edson! KABOOM!

jorgecosgayon:              Actually, pwedeng-pwede sa coolness yon pag nadali ni Edson pero…

The Sydman:                 (interrupts) Worst... baby concoction... ever?  

jorgecosgayon:              What wrath of Edson? Edson has as much wrath as a twelve-year-old… koala. With a missing eye… and a broken arm.

The Sydman:                 Did I say wrath? I meant rat. My bad.

jorgecosgayon:              The Rat of Edson… ewwww…

The Sydman:                 Pero see the greatness of this new aged love story!?!?

jorgecosgayon:              Hindi yan great… that's a frikkin tragedy!

The Sydman:                 Way worse than Fido Dida but way better than Manolo and Michelle, Happy Together!

jorgecosgayon:              Who the fuck is Manolo and Michelle!?!?!

The Sydman:                 Manolo and Michelle stars Ogie Alcasid as a fisherman who caught a mermaid played by Michelle van Eimeren. it also stars Michael V as the best friend and Patrick Guzman and Jennifer Mendoza as their friends.

jorgecosgayon:              Dude… that sucks! I mean… Splash sucked and it starred Daryl Hannah! A ripoff is bound to suck even more! Especially with Patrick Guzman! By the way… who the fuck is Patrick Guzman?

The Sydman:                 But alas my friend, Splash doesn't star Lou Veloso as the mad scientist who wants to research a mermaid!

jorgecosgayon:              Wow! Well I take it back! Lou Veloso is acting gold! Oh wala ako problema sa Philippine Movies that don't suck! Like Miss Pinoy that starred William Arthur Philip Tanya Luis Ng.

The Sydman:                 WHAT THE FUCK IS Miss Pinoy AND WHO ON EARTH IS William Arthur Philip Tanya Luis Ng!?! 

jorgecosgayon:              Pero stop making excuses din for Pinoy movies? If the producers would only take a step back and stop pandering to idiocy!

The Sydman:                 Idiocy?! This brings me back to Edson! Stop murdering his plan! Especially if he doesn't know the plan yet.

jorgecosgayon:              This will only end badly… very badly. Edson will cry like a girl…

The Sydman:                 (interrupts) Which is funny...

jorgecosgayon:              But with little balls na sinipa ng bully na naka gold shoes!

Then a moment of cringing cybersilence after thinking of gold shoes kicking your balls.

TO BE CONTINUED.